Rhondda Records PROBLEM PAGE

Doctor Ca ca,
Bless you once again,
for changing the letters on this page.
I dribble lovingly with admiration,
Yours,(if you're up to it!)
Fondly Slapps.

Dear Fondly,
Since you told me
your special liking,
I've been up for days.
May I call you "dirty bitch"?
Dr Ca ca.

Dear Dr Ca ca,
Avez vous no calon? Heddwch, mon freund.
R. Ffrawed.

Randy,
Mit freunds like chi, pam needs enemas ?
I'll "calon" chi - chi achy fi slapper !
Eschi sod off, butt !
Dr "d'wyn dysgu cwmraeg" Ca ca

Dear Dad,
Please contact me,
as I have no more wish
to live, if my own father
doesn't love me.
Please reply soon !
Your last remaining child,
Maureen Ca ca.

Dear Maureen,
Blackmail is an
unattractive word,
like "buggar" or "off", don't you agree?
The Bible says I have to hate you...
and - if it doesn't - well, it's a choice !
You didn't send me any money. How can I
reward such unthinking meanness?
Sincerely,
Doctor S. F. Ca ca
(the "Family Friend")

Dear Doctor Ca ca,
Pat's 'phoned !
On Wednesday AND Thursday !!!
But then she said she'd 'phone Friday...
and didn't call, even though the entire
future of Penrhys, the Rhondda, and
even Wales, is at stake !
Why does she act like this ?
What is causing her to be this way ?
Anonymous.

Dear Ray,
If I were you, I'd leave Penrhys this year....
tolerate the crap behaviour for that long....
just 'til the projects are set up;
then go - as far away as you can.
Genuinely,
"Doc" Ca ca

Dear Doctor,
I asked you how to gain a more cheerful outlook...
and you drenched me in filth. Is this your
idea of a joke?
Mr Slitt Fingerittwett.

Dear Mr Fingerittwet,
my apologies...
I can't imagine what came over you.
Thank Goodness !
Doctor Ca ca,

Dear Doctor Ca ca,
When will you releashe my sCheeD?
Pleashe,
Zsha Zsha

Dear Zsa Zsa,
I'll be seeing you to come
(hang on - have I got that the
wrong way round?)
Surprishe, NO !!!
Sinsherely,
Shoon, Shilly...
Just hold on to your horshesh
(and your nappy !)
Doc' Ca ca.

Dr Ca ca,
It has come to our attention.
Paul Pillopp

Dear Mr Pillopp,
Just rub it a bit.
Yours Sincerely,
Doctor Shit-Fface Ca ca

Dr. Ca ca, Hi !
I've been sending you money
regularly...
please answer the question -
Why, every time I hear the word "Stretch",
do I become so terribly wet and excited.
Can you recommend treatment?
Jenny Masher.

Dear Ms Masher,
Sh !!
Send bigger cheques !
Stretch
Stretch
Stretch
Stretch...
Dr Ca ca

Dr. Ca ca,
My friends say I'm a fool to trust you.
What do you say to them?
"Tiny" Scott, Splott.

Dear Ms Scott,
I tell them you're
not a fool
because you trust me....
Doctor Ca ca.(HND failed)

Dear Doctor Ca ca,
My girlfriend has left me
...is gay sex the answer ?
Sincerely,
Ivor Sigarre.

Dear Ivor,
No - it's the query.
Yours ,
Dr Ca ca.

Dear Doc,
I read the news and get depressed.
Can you help?
Sincerely,
Sligo Crepe.

Dear Mr Crepe,
Become like me...
Illiterate.
Docktur Ca ca .

Dear Doctor Ca ca,
Are you hearing voices yet ?
Whitchurch treatment centre awaits !
Mr Paul Elephant-Legges.

Dear Paulsy,
In that case,
I'm not a suitable case,
so get off my case, you headcase.
Ca ca the sanity case.

Dear Doctor Ca ca,
I rubbed my bosoms as you suggested...
and one nipple has enlarged so much,
I can no longer wear short skirts.
Answer please !
Shirley Wobble

Dear Shirley,
Can't you pull on a long sweater?
I remains, like...
Doctor Sh. F. Ca ca.

Dear Doctor Ca ca,
What has Rhondda Records ever achieved?
Sincerely,
F. K. U. Pugh.

Dear little Poo,
An interview with Mick Tems?
Genuinely,
Professor Ca ca. (M.A. Trallwyn)

Dear Doctor Ca ca,
THAT wasn't a SERIOUS letter!
Give us a serious one, please,
please, please, please!
Aaaaw... PLEASE let us
have a serious letter!!!
Please please please please please
please PLEASE please PLEASE PLEASE
PLEASE?
aAAW.... GO ON....please?!
PLEA --- EA -- SE !!!!!!!
Sincerely, Rudolph Floode-Barrier.

Dear Rudie,
O.K. then.
Oops - I've changed my mind...
Sincerely,
Sh. F. Ca ca

Dear Doctor,
What would you do
if - like me - your brains were fried?
Sincerely,
Mrs Flange-Liverylips.

Dear Madam,
Add vinegar, and a soupcon of parboiled nngh.
Your old smelly Friend,
Doc Ca ca